Grief and Strength Intertwined

Grief and Strength Intertwined

I sat with my grief
in the midst of a busy work day
while crafting emails for an upcoming event
when I noticed an uncomfortable presence making its way
through my digestive system.

A feeling I used to push away – allowing it to writhe through me
like an unwelcome family member who continues
to remind me of the time grandma died at Christmas
so instead of Christmas we had a funeral.

Activating nausea and emotions in me
ranging from deep sadness to enormous regret
I chose not to ignore but to say hello
I recognize you and took a deep breath
while brilliantly writing the proof points
for this must-see event.

In the past, I’d ignore, resist, persistently
insisting I was Ok – I’m fine I’d say –
not daring to admit that any shift to
the right or the left would send me
crumpled into a trembling ball of pain.

Now I can reverently sit with my grief
letting it take space in my day
as I gallantly perform my civil duty to inform
like a cosmic general assigned to uphold
and protect this most precious gift
with honor and respect.

Aware of what was once solid is
formatting into goo, uncoiling within me
slowly making its way
to the mothership, I salute the release
ready for composting in her infinite grace.

As I continue to focus on writing emails,
one by one they flow
each a message more profound
directed towards a deeper truth.

In the embrace of sacred contracts,
we’re no longer the same
writing our stories, the horrors of humanity we mourn
making waves in this world where emotions collide
grief and strength intertwined; sovereignty is born.